As you know, I’m trying to broaden myself — And not in the hip or the waist region. Try new things, meet new people. This blog is about me taking an in-depth Mindfulness Stress Reduction Course– 8 weeks of intensive training. It’s supposed to be good for me, help me approach my life with more focus, composure, understanding, blah blah blah.
I bet you can already tell this blog is not going to be a “California, granola eating, linen wearing, sitting on a pinnacle, deep breathing” story. Now don’t get me wrong–I WANT to be that person, I really do. I strive every year to be that person. I also give up every year after one or two 5 minute sessions. Just the thought of sitting for 5 minutes trying to empty my mind makes my stomach queasy. During my first session, which is orientation, 27 people introduced themselves, saying why they are there…I am the only one admitting I DON”T WANT TO BE HERE and my heart rate is running at maximum speed. I’m sure I’m the only person who’s heart rate goes UP at a mindfulness class! The instructor is already calling me her “challenge” student. Is that code for “remedial”?
I already couldn’t resist and cracked a joke. When the instructor talked about how this was a trusted space and the need for confidentiality, I pretended I just sent a text and said out loud “too late!”. I’m sure inwardly she was shaking her head and wanted to suggest I try basket weaving or a drum circle etc. Is it possible Mindfulness is not for everyone? Maybe I’m just TOO advanced. Maybe my mind is already so chock full of WONDERFUL IDEAS it would be a SHAME to shut it down if for even a little bit! That’s my story and I’m sticking with it!
But alas, Monday is my first real class. And my “enlightenment” will be beginning. As the weeks progress I will keep you updated on how I progress. The classes meet once a week for 2 1/2 hours with a one 8 hour Sunday class of no talking (is it wrong to take a Xanax for that?) We also have 1 hour of homework/day assigned to us-meditating, I’m guessing. I’m sure so many of you think this sounds wonderful, and again, I hope I find it wonderful, but honestly I find it anxiety provoking. But now that I put it in writing (plus spent the money) I’ve put accountability to it. (Of course I haven’t pushed the “publish” button on this blog yet so I still have one more “out” 🙂 ). Will this be the first step to a new me? Or just another addition to the pile of “yep, tried it, didn’t work”. But I promise as soon as I press the publish button that I will try and have no more negative thoughts about mindfulness. I will keep you posted! Peace Out!! Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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