Mother Daughter bonding has taken odd turns.

This post is going to be more of an open forum.  Please feel free to comment.  Yes the comments are public.  And yes feel free to disagree with me. Makes life more interesting.

I know I promised you a blog about my trip to Sedona but that will have to wait until next week.  I’m in Arizona now and realized for time purposes, this made more sense.   

Here are two of my recent experiences:

1– My girlfriend and I walk into a salon to get a pedicure.  A mother was there getting a pedicure along with her 3 year old daughter!  Let me repeat that, her 3 year old daughter was getting a mani-pedi!!  Gee, can you tell how my opinion is going on this one?  This wasn’t a cute little mother daughter bonding moment.  This wasn’t momma smiling at little girl saying, “are you having fun?”  “The polish looks so pretty on you”. Nope!  Mama reading her smart phone the entire time.  And the little girl wasn’t just getting a coat of polish.  She was getting a full leg massage!  My mouth is dropping just typing this.  The poor woman who had to massage the little girl’s legs.  I was embarrassed just being in the room watching this spectacle. And a manicure.  And still mom barely said anything to her.  Then they walked over to the drying station.  Shockingly guess what happened?  The little girl messed up her manicure.  What a surprise.  The manicurist went over and fixed it!  

I have so much to say on this particular subject but I’d really rather hear what you guys have to say.  On the plus side, she’s with her daughter, didn’t leave her at home ( I guess, I don’t even know if that’s a plus, I’m pulling at straws).  You never know what’s going on in other peoples lives, do you?  I’m sure the mother thought this was a wonderful treat for her daughter.  

2– The other night I go to a Chinese restaurant to order take-out.  While I’m waiting for the food I consider sitting at the bar that’s connected to the restaurant and ordering a drink.  Now as soon as I walk into this bar I hesitate.  It’s….shall we say, a bit sketchy?  Still has the smell of cigarette smoke from years past, 2 1/2 men playing on the tv, and 3 patrons sitting at the bar where the first thought that popped into my head? Barflies!  Not wanting to sound like a snob ( I know, too late) I sit down because I’m a big girl- I can do these this!  

Of course as soon as my drink comes so does the take-out food I ordered for my family.  But hey, I paid for my vodka and soda, can’t waste it.  The female customer next to me (one of the so-called barflies) starts talking to me. She’s cracking up at 2 1/2 men asking me if I like the show etc.  She has been at the bar for quite some time it seems.  But she really was so nice.  So friendly.  Turns out we both have kids who went to the same school, we’re around the same age etc.  She teaches me how to play Keno, the bar game, kind of like a combination of bingo and lotto.   She tells me how there’s a much nicer bar on the other side of the restaurant but the drinks are at least $2 more.  I’m surprised. I’ve been coming to the Chinese restaurant for food for years…….what bar?  She says follow me.  Sure enough.  I never noticed.  So you get me point—very nice.  

Now you’re probably thinking to yourself, Laura this is all very fascinating and thank you for sharing but is this story leading somewhere?  Patience—yes it is 🙂

Here’s where it gets interesting. Then she asks me if I have any tattoos.  I don’t.  She tells me her daughters have a bunch. She says when her daughter was 15 she wanted permission to get her tongue pierced.  She did not give it but apparently her husband or ex-husband did give permission.  I’m like—ok.  Now her daughters are older, in their 20’s and want a nice mother/daughter bonding moment.  See, I told you this would all tie in.  In her words, she said, “ hey mom, why don’t the 3 of us all get our va-gi-gis pierced”!  I kid you not.  These mother/daughter bonding moments just bring tears to your eyes don’t they?  

I’m just looking at her…….I said something like “ I think that’s so sweet that they asked you. If my daughter wanted a mother/daughter tattoo I would do it”.  I mean, what could I say?  Can I see it? What piece of jewelry did you choose?  Hope it’s hypoallergenic.  It turns out she didn’t do it but her daughters did.  

Like I always say, you meet such interesting people when you just put the phone down and talk to people.  She was really so nice.  Different from me—but all the better!

 I hope you all have a wonderful week. And remember to try and bond with SOMEONE this week.  

Remember,

Itlbok, Really

 

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A vacation for the Mind

I did it!  I did my silent retreat!  No talking, no eye contact, no social gestures for 7 hours. 

And you know what? I actually enjoyed it.  Ok-maybe not all of it.  I could have lived without the 45 minutes of silent eating.  I mean really, how long can you be mindful of a small mouthful of food?  It turns to mush pretty quickly in your mouth. But the whole experience?  I would do it again.  My husband was taking bets I couldn’t do it.  My friends were calculating the amount of talking I would have to do to make up for what I missed.  Even some of the people in class had odds I wouldn’t be able to do it.  But I’m proud to say I did. 

Now is this as great an accomplishment as, let’s say,  running a marathon-no.  And I’m sure some of you out there are thinking, “wow, I’d love to not speak to anyone for half a day”.  But it was a definite challenge for me.  Something I feared but decided I wanted to do anyway.  My favorite part was walking in the woods by myself for close to an hour.  For the first time that I can remember, I walked with no music, no audible book, no chit-chatting with a friend.  Just me, myself and I.  Nature being my only company;  the trees, leaves, squirrels etc.  Just lovely.  

Another cool insight?  The no eye contact?  Wow–at first it is awkward.  A few quick glances and then you’re a punished school child casting your eyes down.  Picture yourself as a monk making eye contact with Johnny Depp and then remembering that in his contract, no peons are allowed to make eye contact with him  That’s how it was.  But once you got used to it, it was so cool.  No eye contact means no judgement-real or imagined!  Think about it.   Many times our uncomfortableness or anxiety comes from how you think others see you.  BUT without eye contact, you don’t know how they see you.  It’s incredibly freeing. 

We were kept busy by our instructor.  And yes she was allowed to talk.  We did very gentle yoga and different meditations throughout the day.  I’m pretty sure I fell asleep during the 45 minute body scan.  But I bet almost everybody did.  A 15 minute body scan I can do, 45 minutes?  How long can you spend thinking about your toes and the marvel that they are?  

At the 6 1/2 hour point, we did something we never did-a back to back meditation with the person next to you.  With no talking or eye contact you just move close to each other.  This was new and challenging!  And the person next to me was a 29 year old man.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  But let me tell you…it’s been awhile since this body has been that close to a 29 year old man.  And I’m sure he felt a little awkward himself.  Unless he’s a fan of The Graduate (which, by the way, do you know how old the “older woman” is in The Graduate? 36!!! 36?  My g-d, you’re still wearing hip high jeans!  Your bras are still sexy!  Your heels are still pointy!  36!  OK Laura, breathe, breathe, focus on my breath—OK, I’m better now ).  Anyway, once we got our breathing in rhythm it was fine.  Afterwards we sat shoulder to shoulder-still not facing each other – and had to tell each other how we felt about the day etc.  After about 15 seconds of silence on both our parts, I just said “I have no idea what to say”.  That broke the ice and we just started talking and sharing the fact that we both fell asleep during the body scan etc.  That made other people around us start smiling and chuckling.  FYI– meditation and mindfulness do not mean you have to be reverent and solemn!  It’s whatever bubbles up inside you at that moment on that particular day.  Again no judgement of yourself.  

We all met up in class the next day.  So many people were moved in different ways.  The silence brought up some hard emotions for some people.  But once those emotions are up they are easier to deal with.  And the students felt “freer” and “lighter” afterwards.  And they themselves feel stronger.

Obviously I’m just a babe in the woods when it comes to meditating.  But I’m finally comfortable with it.  I do believe it’s something we all need to do–like eating healthy and exercising.  But it has to come to you when you’re ready–otherwise you’ll fight it every step of the way.  And that’s certainly pointless!

Life can be tough out there at times.  I consider meditation a Vacation for the Mind.  Now those who know me would say “does your mind really need a vacation?”.  I’m not exactly Einstein….I do have deep thoughts but many might think they belong more in the “kiddie pool” than the deep end of the adult pool.  Trying to workout a carpool situation is way too confusing for me.  I need paper, pencil and a diagram!  Seriously, my family is like—“Mom walk away from this conversation.  If you manage it you’ll be at one location without a car and I’ll be at another with two.  We will handle it!”.  Thinking too much can give me a headache! And don’t even get me started with watching the news!  My feeling is the media has you so scared watching the news, you have to balance it out with a “vacation for the mind” or you’re going to end up sad, depressed or with a bout of ennui.

I just want to end this blog with the hope that you will consider to meditate sometime in your lifetime. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, but whenever you’re ready for it.  Remember, there are no negative side effects, no weight gain, no financial loss.  How many things in life can promise you that?

Until next time—

Remember,

Itlbok, Really

P.S.—I’m going to Sedona, AZ this coming week to continue on my spiritual journey.  Let’s see what happens.  Maybe I’ll have spiritual enlightenment on a Vortex or maybe nothing, maybe I’ll just have a wonderful vacation under the beautiful Red Rocks!

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Keeping the lines of communication open by keeping your mouth shut.

beach stock photoAhhhhh, the joys of having young adult kids in your life.  No more worries, no more being concerned about their actions or decisions.  Just basking in the awareness that they’ve absorbed all the knowledge that you’ve given forth.  You can now enjoy conversations with them about philosophies of life, PBS and the wonderful upbringing they had. 

All your worries and fears are over.  My theory is once your kids are 21, nothing bad can happen to them.  I’ve written it down, it’s now on the World Wide Web so it’s fact!  I also live on this beautiful little isle.  It’s the isle of De……Denial.  Lovely little place…..come grab a tropical drink and join me……beach stock photo

 

 

I have a son and daughter, 23 and 21 respectively.  Both really good kids, went to college, don’t do drugs (at least not in front of me-just kidding), minimally curse (at least not in front of me), no jail time and not pregnant (not that there’s anything wrong with that if you have kids that are pregnant.  I’m just glad mine have decided to wait before bringing kids into this world).   So again, I repeat, really good kids.  If only I knew how to talk to them!!!   I finally learned how to deal with teenagers.  Sort of—Basically count to ten, breathe, take nothing personally and wait for them to go to college.  But I didn’t really get that until about two years ago when they were already out of the teenage years!  Now I’ve got a new age group to learn about!  

You’re supposed to talk to them like adult but can’t really talk to them like they’re adults.  I’ve tried that.  I’ve tried talking to them, asking about their friends, their social lives, their futures……whoooooooo boooooyyyyyyy.    They did not respond like any adult friends I know!!  My adult friends LIKE my advice and/or suggestions.   Let’s just say my children don’t seem to see things the same way I do. Yeah, that’s a good way to put it.  But I have SUCH GOOD ADVICE TO GIVE!!!! Or so I think 🙂  Apparently not!  I am learning advice is not something any child of mine wants.  

I have to say though, the other day my daughter and I spent the whole day together in Boston and had the best time  we’ve had in months.  Rules were set though (here’s a switch, the rules were set by her, not me).  No bringing up her boyfriend nor her future.  It worked!  We had a great time.  We discussed how it’s a balancing act for me.  How parenting a child in their 20’s is a learning curve, (as is being a person in your 20’s) and by the time I get it right, they will be married with kids of their own.  And then the balancing act will be ….mom, I need your help raising my kids because you did a really good job raising us, BUT I don’t want to make the same mistakes you did…. AND things are totally different now, I can’t believe I survived the mistakes YOUR generation made….help me but don’t get too involved….etc.

Besides, we decided there will be an app for parenting by the time the next generation populates the world.  Iparenting it will be called.  Steve Jobs didn’t want to be around when it came out.  It will be available on Iphone 36.  Depending on your insurance plan, your in hospital delivery may even come with the Iparenting app included.   My daughter’s looking forward to the Iepidural.  You will have to pay extra for the upgrade but it will be worth it.  Just think– Baby’s crying? Just push the mute button,— youngster has no friends? Tiny Toons Tinder,–Child soiled their clothes?  Drone delivery service to drop fresh clean clothes in your lap!  

Yes, kids are fun, the roller-coaster of life. 

Oh, and they’re also good for making you feel old.  My daughter and I both have long curly hair.  Mine is auburn with streaks of golden brown  (totally natural from the sun :-))  and hers is dark goth black (as natural as mine!)  Walking down the streets of Boston, a guy on a skateboard  skates by and says, “love your hair, miss”.  And the torch has been passed! 

 Remember,

Itlbok, Really

PS- Per my MBSR-mindfulness meditation class that I’m taking, I will be on an all day silent retreat this Sunday, 9:00-4:30.  No talking, no eye contact, no hand gestures.  Guess what next weeks blog will be about!!  Heck it might have to be audio!!!

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Hard Headed Laura and her dog Beaux-Beaux too

Yes, I know I missed writing my blog last week, but I have a really good reason.  The best reason!  A tree limb tried to get the best of me.  Little did that branch know who it was dealing with.  Not only do I have a large head but it’s pretty hard and tough!  Many people have said it takes a lot to get through my thick skull—How right they are!

Two weeks ago I was walking my little dog Beaux,unnamed and listening to music on my cell phone—but not using headphones which I think may have saved my life.  Or at the very least my hair.  I heard a crack above me.  That’s a sound that makes you stop and think when you’re walking around New England in October.  I saw the limbtree limb but just couldn’t move away in time.  My husband swears I threw my body on top of my dog to save him from bodily harm.   My cute little 15 pound Beaux-Beaux.  Now if I thought of that, I probably would have, but not much thinking took place.

Next thing I knew, Clunk on head, slowly I went down (really it was like slow motion) and I was on the ground.  Just like in the movies.  On my back, hands out to my side bent by my ears, knees bent, like a chalk outline. chalk outline

 

Beaux was by my side but I didn’t have his leash.  I don’t know how long I was laying there—not too long.  Three men heard the crack and came to investigate and saw me on the ground.  Now this road is a dead end with about five houses on it.  If they didn’t come out to check out the sound,  I don’t know how long it would have taken for someone to find me.  This isn’t my block that I normally walk my dog.  Long story short…..they saw the blood, called an ambulance and sent me to a trauma unit.

Again JUST like tv….Good thing the EMT guy warned me or else I would have thought I was dying.  He said, once I bring you into the hospital six people are going to ascend upon you like you’re a turkey at the Thanksgiving dinner. They’ll talk to you and manipulate you all at once.  Don’t worry—let them do it all.  Since I knew I was OK it was fascinating.  But I’m glad he warned me.  And since they don’t waste time getting your info, my bracelet says Jane Doe-how cool is that!  I kept the bracelet.  Haven’t we always, just for a time….wanted to be Jane Doe?  No bills, no responsibilities, just going thru life, la la la la la.  Anyway back to story.

I had one of those neck collars put on me before I got into the ambulance, you know in case of spinal injuries.  And the doctor said, “ok we’re going to have to cut off you’re sweatshirt to get it over the collar”.  Now—Just that morning I said to myself, “ It’s been so warm all season, I haven’t been able to wear my favorite sweatshirt (it’s a black sweatshirt with beautiful autumn leaves—so it’s very seasonal, and with this climate change, autumn is turning into just a long summer).    I really want to wear my autumn sweatshirt today!”  (Yes,  I really said this to myself.  And yes I have fascinating conversations like this with myself all the time.  And sadly, now you’re reading about these fascinating conversations.  I just can’t understand why I’m not making money on these blogs!!)  So when the doctor said he wanted to cut it off—No No.  I asked him to please not cut off my favorite sweatshirt :-). And he said he could work around it and saved my sweatshirt.  See, as long as you’re not dying, all you have to do is ask nicely 🙂  But really, isn’t it pretty?Autumn sweatshirt  Half of you are agreeing with me, half of you are shaking your head, I know.    LOL

And THEN, when another doctor said she would have to shave part of my head to put in staples I said, “please don’t shave my head, my hair is my best part of me”.  I mean, I’m not exactly Rapunzel but it’s still my best physical quality.  Obviously they realized I wasn’t dying or paralyzed.  She said OK, some hair would just also get stapled. No problem.  Was there lots of dried blood—yes.  Could I not wash or rinse my hair for days—yes.  Did my hair start looking like a Rastafarian—yes.  But no hair got shaved!

I got a CT Scan, listened to some annoying beep beep beeping from the neighboring beds monitor–which trust me, when you have a headache is like Chinese water torture (sorry, is that not politically correct anymore?).  Even my son Mark put his arm around me because he knew the beeping was getting to me–and that’s pretty big for him.  And do you know, as a Mom, that gesture made this whole event worth it.  My sons not very demonstrative.  Mark met me at the hospital because my husband Craig was about an hour away at a golf game .  I called Craig from the ambulance, and told him to finish his game.  Honestly, there was nothing he could do, he might as well finish the game.  But maybe he might not want to go out to dinner afterwards–I’m not THAT good a wife!  Of course, later I find out Craig drove 100mph to get to the hospital.  Mark filled out most of the hospital paperwork, even knew mine and my husbands phone numbers by heart. Now, come on, how many of us know our kids phone numbers without looking them up on the phone?  Hmmmm?   I was impressed.

Anyway, after some people-watching, I: 1) told my nurse that one of the labs techs was flirting with her, judging from his body language; 2) so BADLY wanted to tell another woman who walked past me dozens of times to fix the back of her blouse, and; 3) was watching other patients getting wheeled in, and wanting to ask, “so whatcha in for?”, but I held back… (See? I do have some restraint!) 

Eventually I was sent home, got to enjoy a few days with Percoset, made my doctor laugh because after four days with Percoset I was afraid I was going to get addicted and told her I  wouldn’t take anymore.  I made pumpkin bread for the men who found me, and thanked them for “going out on a limb for me”.  They told me that I told them (I have no recollection of this) that I  put up an arm to protect my head-I do have a bruise on my arm but just assumed I got it from falling.  THAT’s why I think not wearing earbuds may have saved my life.  If I was wearing earbuds, would I have heard the crack from the tree limb?  Probably not.  I then wouldn’t have put up any protection and the limb would have fallen straight onto my head.  Not a pretty thought.

What did I learn from this?  That I’m unbelievably lucky?  In this case, pretty much.  Am I not going to walk under trees anymore?  Not at all!  I LOVE AUTUMN AND I LOVE TREES.   Freak accidents occur.  Odds are it won’t happen again (actually I did get hit on the head with a rock that came out of the woods-totally from nowhere–when I was in middle school.  So I have a scar from stitches on the other side of my head.  Apparently I’m a magnet.  Maybe my skull/brain should be studied?   I’m like Bruce Willis in the movie Unbreakable.  Of course I just jinxed myself.  I’m now going to step on a paperclip and break a hip).

What is so cool that everyone should learn from this?  Don’t worry about things!!  Honestly!  Every single time something has happened to me or someone in my family (which has been often) it has always been unexpected.   So if it’s unexpected, then worrying is totally pointless.  Hence here– I probably said to my husband before he left, “careful driving”….it’s not like he would have said to me, “careful staying home”.  Right?  Such a weight off your shoulders isn’t it? You can just go through your daily life like a happy little puppy.  Things will happen whether you worry about them or not.  I just saved you OODLES of brain time NOT worrying about things!   Your welcome!

Remember,

Itlbok, Really

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Do you know where you’re feeling the burn?

As many of you know, I’m a fitness instructor.  Many of my blogs start on the stage.  Then I expand and give more detail on the page.  Hard to give details while you’re cuing and trying to breathe 🙂

I started this story the other week while huffing and puffing in class.  After our workout, my friend Debbie asked if I was going to be blogging about this.  I said no, too embarrassing (not that I haven’t blogged about embarrassing things already!)  Debbie said if I was going to stop writing about uncomfortable or awkward situations, she was going to stop reading! Well, we can’t have that!  So, here goes!

Now to get the full affect, I expect you readers to put on your exercise shoes and get to work!  Music on?  Limbered up? Feet apart, lunge side to side, reach your arms way across and feel those obliques burn!  images  HOW did that photo get in here?  I do not look like that!!   

images

Ahhhh, ok, this is more like it.  Ok, Keep going…I’ll wait until they burn.  That’s my job.  That photo is not a good likeness.  That girl is not working hard enough.  Trust me, it works better off paper and in the studio.  

During one of these weeks my kidneys start to hurt.  I’ve had kidney issues since I was a kid so it’s not that surprising.  I just called up my urologist and made an appointment.  Did I have the usual thoughts floating in my head….It’s not a tuma…(that’s an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent in case you can’t tell), is it some type of parasite crawling inside of me?….maybe they’ll name this mysterious illness after me…..  Of course I didn’t have thoughts like that–I’m NOT a crazy person!  

I go into the patients room with the doctor and nurse, tell them of my symptoms etc.  He asks me to point to where it hurts.  I reach behind me and to the side.  He says, ” Laura, those aren’t your kidneys, your kidneys are up higher, about two inches higher.”  In the next 10-15 seconds, it all comes together for me in my little brain.  

I had been doing this oblique routine multiple times in one week.  My obliques were killing me.  I’m a fitness instructor who should know the difference between kidney and oblique pain!!!! Even the nurse chuckled (but in her professional defense we do have that type of report).  Was I embarrassed?  I would say so.  How much did this little embarrassment cost me?  What do you think?  A specialty  doctor now-a-days….$100+.  The good news I didn’t have to take my clothes off.  Oh, and I guess the other good news is that I didn’t have a fatal disease or parasite growing inside me (not that I really thought I did-again NOT a crazy person). 

Remember,

Itlbok, Really 

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

 

Armpit, does thou offend?

I’ve never considered myself a prude.  I don’t think anyone I know would consider me a prude.  Goodness knows I speak my mind!  But I guess my age is showing.  Certainly not on my face or my body!  And not in the way I think….remember from my previous blogs, I’m hip 🙂  But apparently I’m aging in what I consider acceptable words.  

There is a certain deodorant commercial that is trying to push the envelope by using the word armpit instead of underarm.  And it’s for a “female” deodorant not male.  I’ll be the first to admit,  I don’t like it. I don’t know what the company is trying to prove.  That it’s cool?  Obviously they are not trying to attract me nor my armpits, apparently they want younger armpits.  Why, I am not sure.  Trust me, with my hot flashes I am sweating just as much if not MORE than my younger counterparts!!

 I don’t want anything on my body considered a pit unless someone is pointing to my abs–practically a concave pit thank you very much !!  (wow–side tangent…..I just thought of something….I’m going to make big bucks with this…..trompe l’oeil…..a tattoo of a flat tummy on your tummy!  Doesn’t that make sense?  so that you can wear a bikini,  great idea!  OK, back to the underarms).

I also am not a fan of “suck”…unless I’m sucking on a lollipop, I’ll stick with “it stinks”.  I don’t like “ass”, but I’ll go with butt.  I guess I’m just an old fashioned girl–picture me fluttering my lashes.  I don’t like “tits”, boobies or boobs are fine with me.  I also still use the biological words like penis and vagina-heavens to Betsy!!!  

Now if you think this makes me a prude, LOLOL, just get me into a conversation.  I also don’t like to curse.  Unless of course I’m angry or pmssing–which of course are synonymous.    Then watch out—everything I just said is moot!  

Commercials are getting a little graphic, aren’t they?  I’m not even talking about the Viagra and Cialis commercials (what is it about the man and woman in separate bathtubs looking at the sunset?  The creators do realize no sex is happening while they’re in separate tubs right?  No wonder an erection can last 4 hours!)  What about the toenail fungus commercial?  Hopefully you’re not eating.  Do we really need to see the detail?  I think we know toenail fungus when and if we have it.  The toilet paper commercials…are you getting clean enough?  Excuse me?  Really?  Wow~!  

BUT I have to say, you advertisers you—you got us doing exactly what you want us to do–Talking about your products!!  Unfortunately I don’t have a clue what the NAME of your PRODUCT is.   Hmmmmm maybe THAT’S why you market to younger people!!! 

Remember,

ITLBOK, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.

 

Meditation –Me, Not talk?

As you know, I’m trying to broaden myself — And not in the hip or the waist region. Try new things, meet new people.  This blog is about me taking an in-depth Mindfulness Stress Reduction Course– 8 weeks of intensive training.   It’s supposed to be good for me, help me approach my life with more focus, composure, understanding, blah blah blah.  

I bet you can already tell this blog is not going to be a “California, granola eating, linen wearing, sitting on a pinnacle, deep breathing” story.  Now don’t get me wrong–I WANT to be that person, I really do. images I strive every year to be that person.  I also give up every year after one or two 5 minute sessions.  Just the thought of sitting for 5 minutes trying to empty my mind makes my stomach queasy.  During my first session, which is orientation, 27 people introduced themselves, saying why they are there…I am the only one admitting I DON”T WANT TO BE HERE and my heart rate is running at maximum speed.  I’m sure I’m the only person who’s heart rate goes UP at a mindfulness class!  The instructor is already calling me her “challenge” student. Is that code for “remedial”?  

I already couldn’t resist and cracked a joke.  When the instructor talked about how this was a trusted space and the need for confidentiality, I pretended I just sent a text and said out loud “too late!”.   I’m sure inwardly she was shaking her head and wanted to suggest I try basket weaving or a drum circle etc.  Is it possible Mindfulness is not for everyone?  Maybe I’m just TOO advanced.  Maybe my mind is already so chock full of WONDERFUL IDEAS it would be a SHAME to shut it down if for even a little bit!  That’s my story and I’m sticking with it!

But alas, Monday is my first real class.  And my “enlightenment” will be beginning.  As the weeks progress I will keep you updated on how I  progress.  The classes meet once a week for 2 1/2 hours with a one 8 hour Sunday class of no talking (is it wrong to take a Xanax for that?)  We also have 1 hour of homework/day assigned to us-meditating,  I’m guessing.  I’m sure so many of you think this sounds wonderful, and again, I hope I find it wonderful, but honestly I find it anxiety provoking.  But now that I put it in writing (plus spent the money) I’ve put accountability to it.  (Of course I haven’t pushed the “publish” button on this blog yet so I still have one more “out” 🙂 ).  Will this be the first step to a new me?  Or just another addition to the pile of “yep, tried it, didn’t work”.  But I promise as soon as I press the publish button that  I will try and have no more  negative thoughts about mindfulness.  I will keep you posted!  Peace Out!! Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Remember,

Itlbok, really!

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