Tag Archives: communication

Who says I’m opinionated?

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Difference of opinions.  Tons of opinions in all shapes and sizes.  Whose opinion is correct?  Well mine of course!  🙂  Just kidding.

It’s funny.  I never thought I was an opinionated person until years ago my husband compared me to his step-mother who was extremely opinionated.  But then I thought about it.  Oh yeah….I am opinionated.  And the older I get, the louder I get with my opinions.  BUT the difference with me?   I love hearing other people’s opinions.

I just saw the movie The Black Panther the other day and a friend of mine asked if the people of Wakanda (whom the Black Panther is king of) were acting amoral, evil or ignorant.  Don’t worry, you needn’t have seen the movie for this question to be relevant.  And I said I saw both sides.  He just laughed and said “of course you did”.

At first I was hurt thinking he was making fun of me.  But then I realized, I love having the ability to see both sides of the story. When you try to see both peoples point of view, it diffuses anger.  There’s more understanding.  I’m not saying complete understanding mind you!  But I think MOST people and populations want the same things from life.  We just go about it differently.

I’ve tried to teach my children that and I’m happy to say I think they’ve learned it well.  Many times one of my kids has been a mediator between myself and their other sibling.  Not siding with either of us but explaining to each of us what the other person is trying to say.  Incredibly helpful.

I remember when President Trump got elected.  I was in Bahamas, and I was seriously interested in why people voted the way they did.  Even in Bahamas (not that they can vote in the US but they have opinions because what happens in America effects them) two different people with two very different opinions.  Now I know many people would be terrified to ask how and specifically WHY others voted the way they did.  But you know what?  If you ask gently, really wanting to know, out of curiosity, and not in a defensive manner…..and then just sit back and listen…..people will tell you.  And you can actually learn things.  IF you listen and not spend your time thinking up defensive responses!  No fights, no arguments.  Just a nice peaceful discussion.  Remember, you’re not trying to change people’s minds.  You’re trying to gain knowledge and understanding.

Can it be difficult if you’re trying to form a definitive response?  Yes.  Would other people consider it wishy-washy?  I’m sure.  But who cares?  Seriously–who cares??  Think what you want.  But listen to what other people have to say.  Really listen.  If it makes sense, keep it.  If it doesn’t move on.

And please don’t think I’m always good with this.  Sometimes I just think people are nuts and/or should be on medication!   And/or I’m the person that’s nuts or I’m PMSing.  Sometimes I AM right and you ARE wrong!  Or is that just my husband?  🙂  As he likes to say, he never knew he had so many things wrong with him until he married me.  Hey-that’s what I’m here for!

Remember,

Itlbok, really!

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

 

 

 

Happy New Year! Self-improvement time!

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Happy New Year!

Well I just learned something about myself – Writing is very similar to Exercise!  If I don’t do it for more than a few days, It’s very difficult to get back to it—almost scary!

I took the month of December off from my blog writing.  Thank you so much for those of you that noticed.  I love you!  And I’d like to say that I took it off intentionally.  If I have to be honest, (and what’s the point of a blog if you’re not honest?) Not really. Just one week off led to another, which led to another.  I kept looking at the computer thinking, I should blog, I really should blog.  And like exercise, that first day back was not easy.  But once I sat down at the computer and started typing, I remembered how enjoyable it is.  Just like exercise.  You start moving, and you remember how good it feels!  How many of you are thinking “is this girl for real?”  Remember I’m a fitness instructor. Your body loves to move.  Can you at least pretend you agree with me?  Thanks 🙂

Now I LOVE December.  I love the holidays.  I love the decorations and the gift buying and the crowds and the Hallmark movies and all the festivities.  I think 4-6 weeks is much too short a time.  I love the chill in the air, and the food and the fancy drinks and the friend and family get-togethers.  My husband is Catholic and I am Jewish.  Neither of us are religious.  I consider myself culturely Jewish.  But I would call myself a Born Again Christmas Person.  I love Christmas!

BUT I do so enjoy January.  I really do enjoy routine.  I enjoy getting back to my normal habits, my normal eating, uncluttering the house (not the tree, the tree with lights stays up until the pine needles fall when you blow on it).  I love thinking of January as a clean slate. Don’t we all?  Come on, how many self-improvement books have you bought?  It’s January 5 and I already have 3.  Will I read them all the way through?  Of course not!  But just starting them is refreshing!  Like taking a shower.  It’s a renewal process.  If I get just one good nugget of information that sticks with me it’s worth the $20 I paid for the book.  Heck, this year I even bought new highlighters!  I’m a crazy person.

I don’t make resolutions.  The rebellious part of me would just poo-poo it.  One of my books is about habits.  Why habits work for some people and not for others.  How your personality defines which habits work best for you etc.  There are four categories and I am definitely part Rebel!  I can’t even tell MYSELF to do something or I may rebel against it!  BUT I’m also part Upstanding.  If I put it on a to-do list and give myself plenty of time, then I’ll do it.  Make sense?  Human beings are such interesting creatures, aren’t we?

There are sooooo many self improvement books out there.  Just walking through the bookstore makes you feel like a better person.  It’s like walking through Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s.  Don’t you feel healthier just by shopping there?  Heck-you can be buying nothing but non-gmo organic popcorn and chips but within minutes you feel like you’ve lost 5 pounds and substantially healthier.

If you do start browsing books, here’s a tip, skip the ones that don’t have a sense of humor. Who needs that?  And skip any fads—we’ve all been there, done that.  We all just want to keep improving-or else we get complacent.  And improving is like replacing the battery in the Energizer Bunny.  It puts a hop in our step.  And improving can mean something so small – as to finally admitting to ourselves we’re never going to sew on that button so let’s finally get rid of that shirt!!  Yes, that’s an improvement!  You are clearing something from your mind as well as your closet!  Trying to eat healthy?  You can start with eating one extra piece of fruit a day.  Exercise?  Work out once a week.  Media addiction?  Turn it off just one evening a week.  In other words you don’t have to be Superman or Superwoman.  Just be the fun wonderful person you already are—just a little tiny bit improved 🙂

Oh wow, when did I turn into this motivational speaker?

I need to go now and get a martini, a brownie and watch Mike and Molly.

Do as I say and not as I do 🙂

Remember,

ITLBOK, Really!

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

Keeping the lines of communication open by keeping your mouth shut.

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beach stock photoAhhhhh, the joys of having young adult kids in your life.  No more worries, no more being concerned about their actions or decisions.  Just basking in the awareness that they’ve absorbed all the knowledge that you’ve given forth.  You can now enjoy conversations with them about philosophies of life, PBS and the wonderful upbringing they had. 

All your worries and fears are over.  My theory is once your kids are 21, nothing bad can happen to them.  I’ve written it down, it’s now on the World Wide Web so it’s fact!  I also live on this beautiful little isle.  It’s the isle of De……Denial.  Lovely little place…..come grab a tropical drink and join me……beach stock photo

 

 

I have a son and daughter, 23 and 21 respectively.  Both really good kids, went to college, don’t do drugs (at least not in front of me-just kidding), minimally curse (at least not in front of me), no jail time and not pregnant (not that there’s anything wrong with that if you have kids that are pregnant.  I’m just glad mine have decided to wait before bringing kids into this world).   So again, I repeat, really good kids.  If only I knew how to talk to them!!!   I finally learned how to deal with teenagers.  Sort of—Basically count to ten, breathe, take nothing personally and wait for them to go to college.  But I didn’t really get that until about two years ago when they were already out of the teenage years!  Now I’ve got a new age group to learn about!  

You’re supposed to talk to them like adult but can’t really talk to them like they’re adults.  I’ve tried that.  I’ve tried talking to them, asking about their friends, their social lives, their futures……whoooooooo boooooyyyyyyy.    They did not respond like any adult friends I know!!  My adult friends LIKE my advice and/or suggestions.   Let’s just say my children don’t seem to see things the same way I do. Yeah, that’s a good way to put it.  But I have SUCH GOOD ADVICE TO GIVE!!!! Or so I think 🙂  Apparently not!  I am learning advice is not something any child of mine wants.  

I have to say though, the other day my daughter and I spent the whole day together in Boston and had the best time  we’ve had in months.  Rules were set though (here’s a switch, the rules were set by her, not me).  No bringing up her boyfriend nor her future.  It worked!  We had a great time.  We discussed how it’s a balancing act for me.  How parenting a child in their 20’s is a learning curve, (as is being a person in your 20’s) and by the time I get it right, they will be married with kids of their own.  And then the balancing act will be ….mom, I need your help raising my kids because you did a really good job raising us, BUT I don’t want to make the same mistakes you did…. AND things are totally different now, I can’t believe I survived the mistakes YOUR generation made….help me but don’t get too involved….etc.

Besides, we decided there will be an app for parenting by the time the next generation populates the world.  Iparenting it will be called.  Steve Jobs didn’t want to be around when it came out.  It will be available on Iphone 36.  Depending on your insurance plan, your in hospital delivery may even come with the Iparenting app included.   My daughter’s looking forward to the Iepidural.  You will have to pay extra for the upgrade but it will be worth it.  Just think– Baby’s crying? Just push the mute button,— youngster has no friends? Tiny Toons Tinder,–Child soiled their clothes?  Drone delivery service to drop fresh clean clothes in your lap!  

Yes, kids are fun, the roller-coaster of life. 

Oh, and they’re also good for making you feel old.  My daughter and I both have long curly hair.  Mine is auburn with streaks of golden brown  (totally natural from the sun :-))  and hers is dark goth black (as natural as mine!)  Walking down the streets of Boston, a guy on a skateboard  skates by and says, “love your hair, miss”.  And the torch has been passed! 

 Remember,

Itlbok, Really

PS- Per my MBSR-mindfulness meditation class that I’m taking, I will be on an all day silent retreat this Sunday, 9:00-4:30.  No talking, no eye contact, no hand gestures.  Guess what next weeks blog will be about!!  Heck it might have to be audio!!!

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.