Hard Headed Laura and her dog Beaux-Beaux too

Yes, I know I missed writing my blog last week, but I have a really good reason.  The best reason!  A tree limb tried to get the best of me.  Little did that branch know who it was dealing with.  Not only do I have a large head but it’s pretty hard and tough!  Many people have said it takes a lot to get through my thick skull—How right they are!

Two weeks ago I was walking my little dog Beaux,unnamed and listening to music on my cell phone—but not using headphones which I think may have saved my life.  Or at the very least my hair.  I heard a crack above me.  That’s a sound that makes you stop and think when you’re walking around New England in October.  I saw the limbtree limb but just couldn’t move away in time.  My husband swears I threw my body on top of my dog to save him from bodily harm.   My cute little 15 pound Beaux-Beaux.  Now if I thought of that, I probably would have, but not much thinking took place.

Next thing I knew, Clunk on head, slowly I went down (really it was like slow motion) and I was on the ground.  Just like in the movies.  On my back, hands out to my side bent by my ears, knees bent, like a chalk outline. chalk outline

 

Beaux was by my side but I didn’t have his leash.  I don’t know how long I was laying there—not too long.  Three men heard the crack and came to investigate and saw me on the ground.  Now this road is a dead end with about five houses on it.  If they didn’t come out to check out the sound,  I don’t know how long it would have taken for someone to find me.  This isn’t my block that I normally walk my dog.  Long story short…..they saw the blood, called an ambulance and sent me to a trauma unit.

Again JUST like tv….Good thing the EMT guy warned me or else I would have thought I was dying.  He said, once I bring you into the hospital six people are going to ascend upon you like you’re a turkey at the Thanksgiving dinner. They’ll talk to you and manipulate you all at once.  Don’t worry—let them do it all.  Since I knew I was OK it was fascinating.  But I’m glad he warned me.  And since they don’t waste time getting your info, my bracelet says Jane Doe-how cool is that!  I kept the bracelet.  Haven’t we always, just for a time….wanted to be Jane Doe?  No bills, no responsibilities, just going thru life, la la la la la.  Anyway back to story.

I had one of those neck collars put on me before I got into the ambulance, you know in case of spinal injuries.  And the doctor said, “ok we’re going to have to cut off you’re sweatshirt to get it over the collar”.  Now—Just that morning I said to myself, “ It’s been so warm all season, I haven’t been able to wear my favorite sweatshirt (it’s a black sweatshirt with beautiful autumn leaves—so it’s very seasonal, and with this climate change, autumn is turning into just a long summer).    I really want to wear my autumn sweatshirt today!”  (Yes,  I really said this to myself.  And yes I have fascinating conversations like this with myself all the time.  And sadly, now you’re reading about these fascinating conversations.  I just can’t understand why I’m not making money on these blogs!!)  So when the doctor said he wanted to cut it off—No No.  I asked him to please not cut off my favorite sweatshirt :-). And he said he could work around it and saved my sweatshirt.  See, as long as you’re not dying, all you have to do is ask nicely 🙂  But really, isn’t it pretty?Autumn sweatshirt  Half of you are agreeing with me, half of you are shaking your head, I know.    LOL

And THEN, when another doctor said she would have to shave part of my head to put in staples I said, “please don’t shave my head, my hair is my best part of me”.  I mean, I’m not exactly Rapunzel but it’s still my best physical quality.  Obviously they realized I wasn’t dying or paralyzed.  She said OK, some hair would just also get stapled. No problem.  Was there lots of dried blood—yes.  Could I not wash or rinse my hair for days—yes.  Did my hair start looking like a Rastafarian—yes.  But no hair got shaved!

I got a CT Scan, listened to some annoying beep beep beeping from the neighboring beds monitor–which trust me, when you have a headache is like Chinese water torture (sorry, is that not politically correct anymore?).  Even my son Mark put his arm around me because he knew the beeping was getting to me–and that’s pretty big for him.  And do you know, as a Mom, that gesture made this whole event worth it.  My sons not very demonstrative.  Mark met me at the hospital because my husband Craig was about an hour away at a golf game .  I called Craig from the ambulance, and told him to finish his game.  Honestly, there was nothing he could do, he might as well finish the game.  But maybe he might not want to go out to dinner afterwards–I’m not THAT good a wife!  Of course, later I find out Craig drove 100mph to get to the hospital.  Mark filled out most of the hospital paperwork, even knew mine and my husbands phone numbers by heart. Now, come on, how many of us know our kids phone numbers without looking them up on the phone?  Hmmmm?   I was impressed.

Anyway, after some people-watching, I: 1) told my nurse that one of the labs techs was flirting with her, judging from his body language; 2) so BADLY wanted to tell another woman who walked past me dozens of times to fix the back of her blouse, and; 3) was watching other patients getting wheeled in, and wanting to ask, “so whatcha in for?”, but I held back… (See? I do have some restraint!) 

Eventually I was sent home, got to enjoy a few days with Percoset, made my doctor laugh because after four days with Percoset I was afraid I was going to get addicted and told her I  wouldn’t take anymore.  I made pumpkin bread for the men who found me, and thanked them for “going out on a limb for me”.  They told me that I told them (I have no recollection of this) that I  put up an arm to protect my head-I do have a bruise on my arm but just assumed I got it from falling.  THAT’s why I think not wearing earbuds may have saved my life.  If I was wearing earbuds, would I have heard the crack from the tree limb?  Probably not.  I then wouldn’t have put up any protection and the limb would have fallen straight onto my head.  Not a pretty thought.

What did I learn from this?  That I’m unbelievably lucky?  In this case, pretty much.  Am I not going to walk under trees anymore?  Not at all!  I LOVE AUTUMN AND I LOVE TREES.   Freak accidents occur.  Odds are it won’t happen again (actually I did get hit on the head with a rock that came out of the woods-totally from nowhere–when I was in middle school.  So I have a scar from stitches on the other side of my head.  Apparently I’m a magnet.  Maybe my skull/brain should be studied?   I’m like Bruce Willis in the movie Unbreakable.  Of course I just jinxed myself.  I’m now going to step on a paperclip and break a hip).

What is so cool that everyone should learn from this?  Don’t worry about things!!  Honestly!  Every single time something has happened to me or someone in my family (which has been often) it has always been unexpected.   So if it’s unexpected, then worrying is totally pointless.  Hence here– I probably said to my husband before he left, “careful driving”….it’s not like he would have said to me, “careful staying home”.  Right?  Such a weight off your shoulders isn’t it? You can just go through your daily life like a happy little puppy.  Things will happen whether you worry about them or not.  I just saved you OODLES of brain time NOT worrying about things!   Your welcome!

Remember,

Itlbok, Really

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Armpit, does thou offend?

I’ve never considered myself a prude.  I don’t think anyone I know would consider me a prude.  Goodness knows I speak my mind!  But I guess my age is showing.  Certainly not on my face or my body!  And not in the way I think….remember from my previous blogs, I’m hip 🙂  But apparently I’m aging in what I consider acceptable words.  

There is a certain deodorant commercial that is trying to push the envelope by using the word armpit instead of underarm.  And it’s for a “female” deodorant not male.  I’ll be the first to admit,  I don’t like it. I don’t know what the company is trying to prove.  That it’s cool?  Obviously they are not trying to attract me nor my armpits, apparently they want younger armpits.  Why, I am not sure.  Trust me, with my hot flashes I am sweating just as much if not MORE than my younger counterparts!!

 I don’t want anything on my body considered a pit unless someone is pointing to my abs–practically a concave pit thank you very much !!  (wow–side tangent…..I just thought of something….I’m going to make big bucks with this…..trompe l’oeil…..a tattoo of a flat tummy on your tummy!  Doesn’t that make sense?  so that you can wear a bikini,  great idea!  OK, back to the underarms).

I also am not a fan of “suck”…unless I’m sucking on a lollipop, I’ll stick with “it stinks”.  I don’t like “ass”, but I’ll go with butt.  I guess I’m just an old fashioned girl–picture me fluttering my lashes.  I don’t like “tits”, boobies or boobs are fine with me.  I also still use the biological words like penis and vagina-heavens to Betsy!!!  

Now if you think this makes me a prude, LOLOL, just get me into a conversation.  I also don’t like to curse.  Unless of course I’m angry or pmssing–which of course are synonymous.    Then watch out—everything I just said is moot!  

Commercials are getting a little graphic, aren’t they?  I’m not even talking about the Viagra and Cialis commercials (what is it about the man and woman in separate bathtubs looking at the sunset?  The creators do realize no sex is happening while they’re in separate tubs right?  No wonder an erection can last 4 hours!)  What about the toenail fungus commercial?  Hopefully you’re not eating.  Do we really need to see the detail?  I think we know toenail fungus when and if we have it.  The toilet paper commercials…are you getting clean enough?  Excuse me?  Really?  Wow~!  

BUT I have to say, you advertisers you—you got us doing exactly what you want us to do–Talking about your products!!  Unfortunately I don’t have a clue what the NAME of your PRODUCT is.   Hmmmmm maybe THAT’S why you market to younger people!!! 

Remember,

ITLBOK, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.