Keeping the lines of communication open by keeping your mouth shut.

beach stock photoAhhhhh, the joys of having young adult kids in your life.  No more worries, no more being concerned about their actions or decisions.  Just basking in the awareness that they’ve absorbed all the knowledge that you’ve given forth.  You can now enjoy conversations with them about philosophies of life, PBS and the wonderful upbringing they had. 

All your worries and fears are over.  My theory is once your kids are 21, nothing bad can happen to them.  I’ve written it down, it’s now on the World Wide Web so it’s fact!  I also live on this beautiful little isle.  It’s the isle of De……Denial.  Lovely little place…..come grab a tropical drink and join me……beach stock photo

 

 

I have a son and daughter, 23 and 21 respectively.  Both really good kids, went to college, don’t do drugs (at least not in front of me-just kidding), minimally curse (at least not in front of me), no jail time and not pregnant (not that there’s anything wrong with that if you have kids that are pregnant.  I’m just glad mine have decided to wait before bringing kids into this world).   So again, I repeat, really good kids.  If only I knew how to talk to them!!!   I finally learned how to deal with teenagers.  Sort of—Basically count to ten, breathe, take nothing personally and wait for them to go to college.  But I didn’t really get that until about two years ago when they were already out of the teenage years!  Now I’ve got a new age group to learn about!  

You’re supposed to talk to them like adult but can’t really talk to them like they’re adults.  I’ve tried that.  I’ve tried talking to them, asking about their friends, their social lives, their futures……whoooooooo boooooyyyyyyy.    They did not respond like any adult friends I know!!  My adult friends LIKE my advice and/or suggestions.   Let’s just say my children don’t seem to see things the same way I do. Yeah, that’s a good way to put it.  But I have SUCH GOOD ADVICE TO GIVE!!!! Or so I think 🙂  Apparently not!  I am learning advice is not something any child of mine wants.  

I have to say though, the other day my daughter and I spent the whole day together in Boston and had the best time  we’ve had in months.  Rules were set though (here’s a switch, the rules were set by her, not me).  No bringing up her boyfriend nor her future.  It worked!  We had a great time.  We discussed how it’s a balancing act for me.  How parenting a child in their 20’s is a learning curve, (as is being a person in your 20’s) and by the time I get it right, they will be married with kids of their own.  And then the balancing act will be ….mom, I need your help raising my kids because you did a really good job raising us, BUT I don’t want to make the same mistakes you did…. AND things are totally different now, I can’t believe I survived the mistakes YOUR generation made….help me but don’t get too involved….etc.

Besides, we decided there will be an app for parenting by the time the next generation populates the world.  Iparenting it will be called.  Steve Jobs didn’t want to be around when it came out.  It will be available on Iphone 36.  Depending on your insurance plan, your in hospital delivery may even come with the Iparenting app included.   My daughter’s looking forward to the Iepidural.  You will have to pay extra for the upgrade but it will be worth it.  Just think– Baby’s crying? Just push the mute button,— youngster has no friends? Tiny Toons Tinder,–Child soiled their clothes?  Drone delivery service to drop fresh clean clothes in your lap!  

Yes, kids are fun, the roller-coaster of life. 

Oh, and they’re also good for making you feel old.  My daughter and I both have long curly hair.  Mine is auburn with streaks of golden brown  (totally natural from the sun :-))  and hers is dark goth black (as natural as mine!)  Walking down the streets of Boston, a guy on a skateboard  skates by and says, “love your hair, miss”.  And the torch has been passed! 

 Remember,

Itlbok, Really

PS- Per my MBSR-mindfulness meditation class that I’m taking, I will be on an all day silent retreat this Sunday, 9:00-4:30.  No talking, no eye contact, no hand gestures.  Guess what next weeks blog will be about!!  Heck it might have to be audio!!!

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Armpit, does thou offend?

I’ve never considered myself a prude.  I don’t think anyone I know would consider me a prude.  Goodness knows I speak my mind!  But I guess my age is showing.  Certainly not on my face or my body!  And not in the way I think….remember from my previous blogs, I’m hip 🙂  But apparently I’m aging in what I consider acceptable words.  

There is a certain deodorant commercial that is trying to push the envelope by using the word armpit instead of underarm.  And it’s for a “female” deodorant not male.  I’ll be the first to admit,  I don’t like it. I don’t know what the company is trying to prove.  That it’s cool?  Obviously they are not trying to attract me nor my armpits, apparently they want younger armpits.  Why, I am not sure.  Trust me, with my hot flashes I am sweating just as much if not MORE than my younger counterparts!!

 I don’t want anything on my body considered a pit unless someone is pointing to my abs–practically a concave pit thank you very much !!  (wow–side tangent…..I just thought of something….I’m going to make big bucks with this…..trompe l’oeil…..a tattoo of a flat tummy on your tummy!  Doesn’t that make sense?  so that you can wear a bikini,  great idea!  OK, back to the underarms).

I also am not a fan of “suck”…unless I’m sucking on a lollipop, I’ll stick with “it stinks”.  I don’t like “ass”, but I’ll go with butt.  I guess I’m just an old fashioned girl–picture me fluttering my lashes.  I don’t like “tits”, boobies or boobs are fine with me.  I also still use the biological words like penis and vagina-heavens to Betsy!!!  

Now if you think this makes me a prude, LOLOL, just get me into a conversation.  I also don’t like to curse.  Unless of course I’m angry or pmssing–which of course are synonymous.    Then watch out—everything I just said is moot!  

Commercials are getting a little graphic, aren’t they?  I’m not even talking about the Viagra and Cialis commercials (what is it about the man and woman in separate bathtubs looking at the sunset?  The creators do realize no sex is happening while they’re in separate tubs right?  No wonder an erection can last 4 hours!)  What about the toenail fungus commercial?  Hopefully you’re not eating.  Do we really need to see the detail?  I think we know toenail fungus when and if we have it.  The toilet paper commercials…are you getting clean enough?  Excuse me?  Really?  Wow~!  

BUT I have to say, you advertisers you—you got us doing exactly what you want us to do–Talking about your products!!  Unfortunately I don’t have a clue what the NAME of your PRODUCT is.   Hmmmmm maybe THAT’S why you market to younger people!!! 

Remember,

ITLBOK, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.

 

Meditation –Me, Not talk?

As you know, I’m trying to broaden myself — And not in the hip or the waist region. Try new things, meet new people.  This blog is about me taking an in-depth Mindfulness Stress Reduction Course– 8 weeks of intensive training.   It’s supposed to be good for me, help me approach my life with more focus, composure, understanding, blah blah blah.  

I bet you can already tell this blog is not going to be a “California, granola eating, linen wearing, sitting on a pinnacle, deep breathing” story.  Now don’t get me wrong–I WANT to be that person, I really do. images I strive every year to be that person.  I also give up every year after one or two 5 minute sessions.  Just the thought of sitting for 5 minutes trying to empty my mind makes my stomach queasy.  During my first session, which is orientation, 27 people introduced themselves, saying why they are there…I am the only one admitting I DON”T WANT TO BE HERE and my heart rate is running at maximum speed.  I’m sure I’m the only person who’s heart rate goes UP at a mindfulness class!  The instructor is already calling me her “challenge” student. Is that code for “remedial”?  

I already couldn’t resist and cracked a joke.  When the instructor talked about how this was a trusted space and the need for confidentiality, I pretended I just sent a text and said out loud “too late!”.   I’m sure inwardly she was shaking her head and wanted to suggest I try basket weaving or a drum circle etc.  Is it possible Mindfulness is not for everyone?  Maybe I’m just TOO advanced.  Maybe my mind is already so chock full of WONDERFUL IDEAS it would be a SHAME to shut it down if for even a little bit!  That’s my story and I’m sticking with it!

But alas, Monday is my first real class.  And my “enlightenment” will be beginning.  As the weeks progress I will keep you updated on how I  progress.  The classes meet once a week for 2 1/2 hours with a one 8 hour Sunday class of no talking (is it wrong to take a Xanax for that?)  We also have 1 hour of homework/day assigned to us-meditating,  I’m guessing.  I’m sure so many of you think this sounds wonderful, and again, I hope I find it wonderful, but honestly I find it anxiety provoking.  But now that I put it in writing (plus spent the money) I’ve put accountability to it.  (Of course I haven’t pushed the “publish” button on this blog yet so I still have one more “out” 🙂 ).  Will this be the first step to a new me?  Or just another addition to the pile of “yep, tried it, didn’t work”.  But I promise as soon as I press the publish button that  I will try and have no more  negative thoughts about mindfulness.  I will keep you posted!  Peace Out!! Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Remember,

Itlbok, really!

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

Everybody Poops, part 2

OK, don’t go there…yes I could have said Everybody poops, #2, but we’re all too mature, adult, ladylike and/or gentlemanly to go there, correct?  

As promised, this is a continuation from last weeks blog.  People seemed to have enjoyed my ramblings, and/or they just can’t believe some of the things that come out of my mouth.  I always assume everybody just thinks the same way I do, they just don’t have the nerve to say it aloud.  Is that true?  

OK, Let’s return to the boudoir.  As my daughter kindly put it in one of the comments, she compared my “bladder to the size of a lentil”.  Of course that’s coming from a woman with a beautiful shiny practically still-has-the-new-car-smell- 21 year old bladder.  My bladder may be petite but still functions well!  I consider going tinkle often just helps me with adding steps to my Fitbit!  Hey-I try to drink 8 glasses of water (2 cups of coffee and 2 glasses of wine count for 4 right?). 

Of course, sometimes I just don’t feel like going to the bathroom.  It’s just so BORING!  I mean, how many times in our lifetime have we gone to the bathroom!!  If you just go 4/day (HA!) that’s 1,460/year.  If you’re 50 years old, that’s 73,000!!!!  Are you kidding me!!!! ?????  And that’s being conservative.  You know how they say sitting is the new smoking?  Maybe going to the bathroom is part of this!  Hey-they started using stability balls images top-rated-toilets-1and treadmills at desks.  Maybe we need something like this for toilets now.  Stability/toilets, (Balancing is good for the core)

Toiletcycles (really good for getting the bowels moving)!c9add354-0e21-4be2-aa26-ab3818e98121_1.07705eb579ef8ddbb936573a631989a8 top-rated-toilets-1

 Who’s with me?  It will be great for the core and the quads.  I can see the ad–Never waste time on the toilet again!!

Now here’s a warning for anyone that has kitties in their home. I was sitting down in the bathroom one morning when my kitty walked in.  Have you ever noticed the animals always want to come and visit when you’re in the bathroom?  And even if the animals may only be four inches wide, they open the door about 12 inches?  And as you know from last week’s blog, I like my privacy, so opening the door all the way doesn’t thrill me.  Anyway, the cat jumps up onto the counter-naturally, I know that’s what cats do.  But what she did next—I never realized.  I’m sitting on the toilet (I so wish there was another word, I really don’t want you picturing me on the toilet, but you need to know why I can’t respond to what’s coming next).  My cat goes over to my toothbrush and starts sucking on the bristles!  I’m sitting there aghast.  And what could I do?  I could yell, but if you have cats you know that doesn’t do much.  Plus, how many times has she done that before?  I’m just sitting there, speechless and helpless.  Guess what I did that afternoon?  Shopping for a covered toothbrush holderdownload!!

I actually do have more to say on the subject but I think you’ve heard enough.  Next week I promise to blog about the different and interesting people that I’ve met.  But I’ll always try and make you smile and laugh along the way.

Remember,

Itlbok, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.

Everybody Poops, I don’t THINK so!

Ok, so in this blog, you’re not going to learn about relationships, or about meeting new people, or anything too inspirational.

 What you will learn is way more than than you need to learn about me!  But I bet you will laugh.

First thing that you should know, that most of my friends already know, I do not poop.  Not now nor have I ever pooped.  I barely admit to ever going to the bathroom.  If I do, it’s only to fix my make-up, adjust my panties (:-)) or fluff my hair.  On the rarest of occasions do I even tinkle. You see, I am a lady and a lady is above these things .7281909-Beautiful-lady-taking-a-bath-with-rose-petals-Stock-Photo-bath-woman  Yes that’s me in the boudoir with rose petals.  And yes, I admit I am a miracle of science.  Of course, some of my friends (husband included) would like to say that it must mean if I don’t poop, I must be full of sh*#.

So now that you know where I’m coming from, these two stories are even more humorous.

I was pregnant with my first child.  My husband and I went to the birthing classes.  I remember raising my hand asking the question, “is it true that some women actually go to the bathroom while giving birth?”  I must have read this in my “What to Expect when you’re Expecting” book.  And I was totally astonished.  Please oh please tell me this can’t be true.

Now you have to understand, my husband and I do not go to the bathroom in front of each other.  To this day, after 25 years of marriage, we do not go to the bathroom in front of each other!  I mean WHY!?!  I once saw myself sitting on the toilet–a very  ill placed mirror  opposite me. images I jumped!  I mean I jumped!!! Why on earth would anyone want to see that!!

OK, back to the birthing lesson.  Yes, it’s true.  It’s very natural, while you’re pushing the baby out, blah blah blah.  I’m like, not me, THAT’s for sure!! Well,  you know where this story is heading.  Of course, the ONE time in my life that I pooped (yes, only once) and it’s probably documented in the doctors report somewhere!  Obviously I didn’t care.  I didn’t care if the whole world saw.  My legs were spread for whomever wanted to help take this baby out of me. But, another story, another day.

Years later, at my gastroenterologist, I had a very young handsome doctor asking me questions.  About my poop of all things.  I mean, what did I expect, I’m at the gastroenterologist.  BUT, Really?  I can’t have an old man for this?  Nope.  Young and cute.  Showing me photos of different shapes etc.  Oh for goodness sakes.  Are you feeling my pain?

Now this has nothing to do with my lack of pooping but I think it’s funny.  He looks at my hands and gets concerned.  He says, “have you been eating lots of carrots?”  I shake my head no.  He says, “your hands are very orange.”spraying+too+close+to+the+hands+can+cause+them+to+be+orange[1]  And now I have to admit to my young cute doctor that I used a self tanner on my body that morning and didn’t wash my hands well enough. So now this cute intern or whatever he’s called-knows the shape of my non existent poop and that I use self-tanner. ( I might as well talk to him about my period and sexual positions, and by the way, what’s your name again? I’m thinking can I please just leave the office now? ) He grabs a pile of purple latex gloves, walks over and drops them into my lap.  “Here use these next time so your hands won’t get orange”.  Every time I see those purple latex gloves in my medicine cabinet I think about that appointment.  

Would you believe I have a few more stories like these?  Continued next week….

Remember,

Itlbok, Really!

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.