Tag Archives: Itlbok

Good Morning!

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How was your morning?  Is there something in your morning routine that makes you smile and/or should I say, giggle?  

I am a morning person.  And I know you night people hate us.  We pretty much do jump out of bed with energy and desire to check things off our list.  I start babbling to anyone who will listen (actually listening is not a prerequisite).  Now morning people definitely have a downside–afternoon slump, nighttime social life is practically nil etc.  But I don’t want to focus on that for now.  

I love getting things done before the rest of my family wakes up.  Before most of the country wakes up.  I love driving to work toward the east and watching the sunrise.  Every time I see a beautiful sunrise while driving, I’ll look around at others in their car to see if they see it. I’m amazed that no one else around me is in awe or even notices the beauty.  I want to roll down my window and point to the sky but I’m afraid they might think I’m a loony.   

Now one thing that I’ve been doing for years during my morning routine, that I didn’t even NOTICE was bringing me down, was watching the news while dressing.   Even 15 minutes of the news, for me, is like watching a balloon deflate slowly.  The life just comes out of me.  But what can I do?  I have to watch the news.   I have to know what’s going on in the world.  And I’m certainly not a news junkie.  I don’t go crazy on Facebook or Fox/CNN because I know I’m not the type of person that can handle 24 news without it affecting me.  Heck 15 minutes affects me.  

So….I found 2 ways to fix that!

One….I actually found a “Cliff Notes” for the daily news.  It’s called theSkimm.  Perfect for me.  One page.  Nothing emotional.  No photos, no angry rants.  I read it, get in, get out…bing bang boom! If I want more information on something, I look later on.   I know that’s not enough for everyone–but that’s why we’re all different.  But it works for me.  I’m not as “heavy” on a daily basis as I was before.  (Yes, very easy for me to make a weight joke right here but it’s toooooooo easy 🙂  

Two…I love this.  I’ve started using my inversion table. unnamedYou know for upside-down ab workouts.  Hahahaha.    No–for low back stretching.  It’s part of my morning routine.  And my little puppy dog, Beaux always comes to lick my face.  My face is right at his level now.  And there’s nothing I can do about it.  Totally makes me start giggling.  Every morning.  How’s that for a great start to a morning?  Giggling because your dog is loving you, or getting depressed watching the news?  Your choice. 

Now obviously, the dog licking is not everyone’s cup of tea (following will be a funny story about the dog licking).  But find something that makes you smile–sunrise, fresh air…step outside, in your robe for 10 seconds and breath in the fresh morning air (if nothing else you’ll help your neighbor with their morning smile seeing you in all your morning glory.  Whether you’re a …..download or….. 4ced3d3209c82838fe512e1042e21f59 Who cares!  You’re neighbor needs something to make him smile too!  Don’t be selfish 🙂   Just DO Something that makes you smile during your morning routine.  

And just to finish with a funny story –  Dog licking is not all giggles and smiles of course.  Normally it drives me crazy when he licks my face.  But when you’re in the upside-down position and can’t do anything about it…and all he’s doing is loving you…..you have to just let it go and embrace it.  BUT, his tongue got into my nostril ( I guess I should be happy it wasn’t my mouth, which has happened more times than my husband’s tongue has gone into my mouth I’ll tell ya!!!)  And I could tell he went into the cat’s litter box. Yep-kitty poop scent (and whatever else) was in my nose.  How do I write the next sentence?  Do I need to write the next sentence?  And my little Beaux-Beaux is sitting on my lap at this very moment while I type this, looking at me, going “what, what, did I do something?”.  Actually what he’s really thinking is “your typing is bothering me, can you type quieter?”.   

Go and find something to make you smile and possibly giggle withing the first hour of the morning.  It will make and everyone else you meet that day happier!

Remember,

ITLBOK, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

Smile, someone’s watching

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So here’s something interesting that happened to me the other day.  It’s the first day of a new class that I’m taking.  Yes-I’m taking another mindfulness class, I like it that much.  Plus I fell off the wagon during the holidays.  BUT that doesn’t matter, does it?  Because, the important thing is that I’m choosing to start up again!  Anyway, that’s not the point of the story 🙂

As soon as I walk in, a woman from my first mindfulness class, (let’s call her Marty-I don’t know if she wants anonymity or not), was so happy to see me.  She said she was specifically thinking of me this morning and wondering if I would be in this class.  We hugged and she was truly smiling.   Now I remember this woman from the other class but we never had a deep connection.  She sat on the other side of the room of 25 people.  I could tell that she was going through some painful issues, not that anything specific was ever mentioned.  Our personalities, I’m guessing are totally different.  She’s petite, very quiet, kind of in her own cocoon.  I’m more vocal (obviously), take up more space just by spreading and stretching my limbs whenever I want to, crack jokes whether the timing is completely appropriate.  You get my point in our differences.  Think of quiet deer vs noisy chipmunk!

So where am I going with this?!?  You–the universal you–never know how you’re going to affect another person!  How people see you–what do you want them to see?  I’m asking, not judging.  For me, I don’t want them to see the nicest person, or the prettiest person, or the funniest person (I mean you can if you WANT to 🙂 )  I want them to see a REAL person!  With all their ups and downs and flaws and greatness.  Heck, I’ll walk into Barnes & Noble (my hangout) and tell all who’s listening, “I’m in a grumpy mood, watch out!”  I figure if you give fair warning….

But this is the real me.  Took me years to get here.  And I think you should try and be the real you.  Not everyone is going to like it.  Another lesson I learned from being a fitness instructor with lots of different classes taught by different instructors.  You have to be you.  Some people will like your classes and some will want to go to another instructor.  But that’s OK.  It really is!  This way, you’re having fun in your class and so are your students.  Just like life….you’re having fun in life and so are the people around you!

But just like how this other woman remembered me and actually CARED whether or not I was in class…….That’s how much affect you can have on people just by…….wait for it…….can you guess what I’m going to say?……

Just by smiling at someone!!!!  Yes I said it!  IMG_4590  OK maybe this smile is a little over the top….you might get put in the loony bin if you look like this at strangers!  

You smile at someone holding a door for you.  Maybe even say hello, thank you, make a small joke–anything.  That small act will make them smile.  That interaction will put a tiny pep in their step and they will smile to someone else.  And so on, and so on.  I kid you not!  Specifically people that WON’T smile.  You get the most bang for your buck with them!  They take more effort getting a smile out of them but it’s worth it.  I know you’ve heard this before….smile, pass it forward, blah blah blah.   But come on–it can’t hurt!  Takes two seconds.   What’s the worse that can happen?  You put a crease in your cheek?

So go out tomorrow, look around at all the people.   You never know who’s watching and who’s day you will make!!!

Remember,

ITLBOK,Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

 

Did I remember to write my Blog this week?

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I have a theory ( I always have a new theory!).  The Universe is addling my brain to help me get my 10,000 steps! 

I’m sure 2/3 of my non-formal exercise steps are looking for things.  Looking for my coffee mug, water bottle, car keys, purse, book bag, Iphone, novel, items I put out to be “organized”, bills etc.  All this adds thousands to my step count.  I’m not just circling the house I’m going north-south, east-west, north-east, west-south …..looks more like a Spirograph f8bb9f94e7cdfc45b04861d9e7a0b895--spirograph-art-stringart (1)than a circle.  That’s what I look like running around the house!

And then when I finally find what I’m looking for?!  I look at it positively….”well at least I added many steps to my Fitbit”.  Wait, if only I could see the numbers on my pedometer.  Where are my eyeglasses?  And around I go again.  Of course two pairs of glasses already on top of my head.  IMG_4649 (2)

This is for women over 50…how many times has this happened to you.  I’m driving in the car, pretending I have everything under control….I just say to myself, “It’ll click, it’ll click.  I’ll figure out where I’m going.  Just let me figure it out before I pass the turn I need, that’s all I ask”.  And most of the time my brain reacts accordingly!  Thank you brain.  See, life is good 🙂

My goodness I feel sorry for people who don’t have a good sense of humor!  How on earth are you going to make it through these times if you’re tough on yourself?!?  I crack up at myself all the time.  Of course laughing at myself, WHEN being by myself used to look odd in the past but not anymore.   Not in the days of Bluetooth and ear buds.  THEY (other people) don’t know you’re not talking to another hilarious person.  THEY don’t know you’re just happy having this wonderful conversation in your own mind.  The only time I run into a snag is when I start talking and assume the person I’m with has heard the dialogue in the my head.  I can’t tell you how many times my daughter has said, “mom, I know that makes sense to you, but I haven’t heard the conversation that led up to what you just blurted out”.  She’s practically patting my hand, and cooing at me with a soothing voice.  I can see her mentally filling out applications to a senior living facility! Heck, I like the chit-chat in my head.  I’m pretty funny and not bad company if I do say so myself! 

Another good thing about starting to go a little loony this early in my lifetime (of course, some may say I’ve always been this way, and I think I would have to agree).  If I end up with Alzheimers or dementia, who will know?  My husband and kids know I’ve been like this for years.  So, the memory is not as good as it used to be.  There are worse things.  Forgetting the little things forces me to be more organized.  And makes me realize the “little” things – if I forgot – obviously are not that important.  Peoples names, birthdays, etc are still “little” things.  People themselves, they are the BIG things.  And THAT I haven’t forgotten!!  

So don’t be hard on yourself!  Laugh, it’s no big deal!

Remember,

ITLBOK, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

Keeping the lines of communication open by keeping your mouth shut.

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beach stock photoAhhhhh, the joys of having young adult kids in your life.  No more worries, no more being concerned about their actions or decisions.  Just basking in the awareness that they’ve absorbed all the knowledge that you’ve given forth.  You can now enjoy conversations with them about philosophies of life, PBS and the wonderful upbringing they had. 

All your worries and fears are over.  My theory is once your kids are 21, nothing bad can happen to them.  I’ve written it down, it’s now on the World Wide Web so it’s fact!  I also live on this beautiful little isle.  It’s the isle of De……Denial.  Lovely little place…..come grab a tropical drink and join me……beach stock photo

 

 

I have a son and daughter, 23 and 21 respectively.  Both really good kids, went to college, don’t do drugs (at least not in front of me-just kidding), minimally curse (at least not in front of me), no jail time and not pregnant (not that there’s anything wrong with that if you have kids that are pregnant.  I’m just glad mine have decided to wait before bringing kids into this world).   So again, I repeat, really good kids.  If only I knew how to talk to them!!!   I finally learned how to deal with teenagers.  Sort of—Basically count to ten, breathe, take nothing personally and wait for them to go to college.  But I didn’t really get that until about two years ago when they were already out of the teenage years!  Now I’ve got a new age group to learn about!  

You’re supposed to talk to them like adult but can’t really talk to them like they’re adults.  I’ve tried that.  I’ve tried talking to them, asking about their friends, their social lives, their futures……whoooooooo boooooyyyyyyy.    They did not respond like any adult friends I know!!  My adult friends LIKE my advice and/or suggestions.   Let’s just say my children don’t seem to see things the same way I do. Yeah, that’s a good way to put it.  But I have SUCH GOOD ADVICE TO GIVE!!!! Or so I think 🙂  Apparently not!  I am learning advice is not something any child of mine wants.  

I have to say though, the other day my daughter and I spent the whole day together in Boston and had the best time  we’ve had in months.  Rules were set though (here’s a switch, the rules were set by her, not me).  No bringing up her boyfriend nor her future.  It worked!  We had a great time.  We discussed how it’s a balancing act for me.  How parenting a child in their 20’s is a learning curve, (as is being a person in your 20’s) and by the time I get it right, they will be married with kids of their own.  And then the balancing act will be ….mom, I need your help raising my kids because you did a really good job raising us, BUT I don’t want to make the same mistakes you did…. AND things are totally different now, I can’t believe I survived the mistakes YOUR generation made….help me but don’t get too involved….etc.

Besides, we decided there will be an app for parenting by the time the next generation populates the world.  Iparenting it will be called.  Steve Jobs didn’t want to be around when it came out.  It will be available on Iphone 36.  Depending on your insurance plan, your in hospital delivery may even come with the Iparenting app included.   My daughter’s looking forward to the Iepidural.  You will have to pay extra for the upgrade but it will be worth it.  Just think– Baby’s crying? Just push the mute button,— youngster has no friends? Tiny Toons Tinder,–Child soiled their clothes?  Drone delivery service to drop fresh clean clothes in your lap!  

Yes, kids are fun, the roller-coaster of life. 

Oh, and they’re also good for making you feel old.  My daughter and I both have long curly hair.  Mine is auburn with streaks of golden brown  (totally natural from the sun :-))  and hers is dark goth black (as natural as mine!)  Walking down the streets of Boston, a guy on a skateboard  skates by and says, “love your hair, miss”.  And the torch has been passed! 

 Remember,

Itlbok, Really

PS- Per my MBSR-mindfulness meditation class that I’m taking, I will be on an all day silent retreat this Sunday, 9:00-4:30.  No talking, no eye contact, no hand gestures.  Guess what next weeks blog will be about!!  Heck it might have to be audio!!!

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

 

Armpit, does thou offend?

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I’ve never considered myself a prude.  I don’t think anyone I know would consider me a prude.  Goodness knows I speak my mind!  But I guess my age is showing.  Certainly not on my face or my body!  And not in the way I think….remember from my previous blogs, I’m hip 🙂  But apparently I’m aging in what I consider acceptable words.  

There is a certain deodorant commercial that is trying to push the envelope by using the word armpit instead of underarm.  And it’s for a “female” deodorant not male.  I’ll be the first to admit,  I don’t like it. I don’t know what the company is trying to prove.  That it’s cool?  Obviously they are not trying to attract me nor my armpits, apparently they want younger armpits.  Why, I am not sure.  Trust me, with my hot flashes I am sweating just as much if not MORE than my younger counterparts!!

 I don’t want anything on my body considered a pit unless someone is pointing to my abs–practically a concave pit thank you very much !!  (wow–side tangent…..I just thought of something….I’m going to make big bucks with this…..trompe l’oeil…..a tattoo of a flat tummy on your tummy!  Doesn’t that make sense?  so that you can wear a bikini,  great idea!  OK, back to the underarms).

I also am not a fan of “suck”…unless I’m sucking on a lollipop, I’ll stick with “it stinks”.  I don’t like “ass”, but I’ll go with butt.  I guess I’m just an old fashioned girl–picture me fluttering my lashes.  I don’t like “tits”, boobies or boobs are fine with me.  I also still use the biological words like penis and vagina-heavens to Betsy!!!  

Now if you think this makes me a prude, LOLOL, just get me into a conversation.  I also don’t like to curse.  Unless of course I’m angry or pmssing–which of course are synonymous.    Then watch out—everything I just said is moot!  

Commercials are getting a little graphic, aren’t they?  I’m not even talking about the Viagra and Cialis commercials (what is it about the man and woman in separate bathtubs looking at the sunset?  The creators do realize no sex is happening while they’re in separate tubs right?  No wonder an erection can last 4 hours!)  What about the toenail fungus commercial?  Hopefully you’re not eating.  Do we really need to see the detail?  I think we know toenail fungus when and if we have it.  The toilet paper commercials…are you getting clean enough?  Excuse me?  Really?  Wow~!  

BUT I have to say, you advertisers you—you got us doing exactly what you want us to do–Talking about your products!!  Unfortunately I don’t have a clue what the NAME of your PRODUCT is.   Hmmmmm maybe THAT’S why you market to younger people!!! 

Remember,

ITLBOK, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.

 

Meditation –Me, Not talk?

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As you know, I’m trying to broaden myself — And not in the hip or the waist region. Try new things, meet new people.  This blog is about me taking an in-depth Mindfulness Stress Reduction Course– 8 weeks of intensive training.   It’s supposed to be good for me, help me approach my life with more focus, composure, understanding, blah blah blah.  

I bet you can already tell this blog is not going to be a “California, granola eating, linen wearing, sitting on a pinnacle, deep breathing” story.  Now don’t get me wrong–I WANT to be that person, I really do. images I strive every year to be that person.  I also give up every year after one or two 5 minute sessions.  Just the thought of sitting for 5 minutes trying to empty my mind makes my stomach queasy.  During my first session, which is orientation, 27 people introduced themselves, saying why they are there…I am the only one admitting I DON”T WANT TO BE HERE and my heart rate is running at maximum speed.  I’m sure I’m the only person who’s heart rate goes UP at a mindfulness class!  The instructor is already calling me her “challenge” student. Is that code for “remedial”?  

I already couldn’t resist and cracked a joke.  When the instructor talked about how this was a trusted space and the need for confidentiality, I pretended I just sent a text and said out loud “too late!”.   I’m sure inwardly she was shaking her head and wanted to suggest I try basket weaving or a drum circle etc.  Is it possible Mindfulness is not for everyone?  Maybe I’m just TOO advanced.  Maybe my mind is already so chock full of WONDERFUL IDEAS it would be a SHAME to shut it down if for even a little bit!  That’s my story and I’m sticking with it!

But alas, Monday is my first real class.  And my “enlightenment” will be beginning.  As the weeks progress I will keep you updated on how I  progress.  The classes meet once a week for 2 1/2 hours with a one 8 hour Sunday class of no talking (is it wrong to take a Xanax for that?)  We also have 1 hour of homework/day assigned to us-meditating,  I’m guessing.  I’m sure so many of you think this sounds wonderful, and again, I hope I find it wonderful, but honestly I find it anxiety provoking.  But now that I put it in writing (plus spent the money) I’ve put accountability to it.  (Of course I haven’t pushed the “publish” button on this blog yet so I still have one more “out” 🙂 ).  Will this be the first step to a new me?  Or just another addition to the pile of “yep, tried it, didn’t work”.  But I promise as soon as I press the publish button that  I will try and have no more  negative thoughts about mindfulness.  I will keep you posted!  Peace Out!! Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Remember,

Itlbok, really!

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.  Thanks!  Happy Reading.

2Cellos + so much more

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I’m always amazed at the interests other people have. In a good way.  It’s a great way to learn in small ways.  Just by listening to what they’re passionate about, widens your knowledge base which makes YOU a more interesting person!   And we didn’t have to do the work or study!

I’m sitting outside an arena with my family and friends, having a burger and beer.  The concert is 2Cellos.  Sounds very sophisticated doesn’t it?  Well it would be if we really knew anything about them.  I will admit I was interested in trying to widen my musical boundaries.  I saw these guys on youtube and they looked really cool.  When discussing them, all I knew is that they’re from Croatia and good looking.  And I feel very hipster trying new things.  (of course, trying to be hipster isn’t hipster.  Is hipster even cool anymore?  I can’t keep up-not that I have ever been cool–just ask my kids)

The women at the table next to us was listening.  They said they love hearing about peoples first impressions of the 2Cellos.  One of those woman speaking to me was Katherine Levine 13590602-small  (Bob Gathany/bgathany@al.com.  (this is a photo of Katherine before her weight loss-sorry Katherine, I couldn’t fine a more recent photo)  Katherine credits the music of 2CELLOS with helping her lose 100 pounds since she heard the cellists open for Elton John’s concert in Huntsville on Sept. 12. 2012.  She told me, there is just something about the way they play their music.  Since then she has lost about 100 pounds.  And she’s not the only one.  She has started a fan club, http://everything2cellos.com/ and has heard from other people the same thing.  She is serious when she says the 2Cellos has changed her life.  Another thing I thought was cool, the 4 woman at the table, were from different continents!  They became friends through the fan club.  They have gone to 100+ (between them) concerts and now meet up with each other!  Talk about hands around the world!  Sharing the love of music!

The nights not over.  We get to our seats.  My husband recognizes the couple behind us.  Long story short ( I try, I really do) they have a daughter who is an archaeologist-in Detroit!

The mother said that when Detroit went bust, everybody basically just left-I mean they just left.  The Supremes–they just left their studio.  And apparently there was a Jewish mafia in a downstairs bar in Detroit–they just left.  And what do archaeologists do?  I’m so glad you asked!

“Archaeologists study the material remains of the human. In Detroit, we examine the traces of the city’s changing landscapes – excavated artifacts, building foundations, standing architecture, street layouts, neighborhoods  – order to understand the past, reveal the unwritten histories of the city’s historically underrepresented communities…”

I’m picturing a music studio with old 45s just hanging around with the blue and white speckled center with MOTOWN emblazoned on them  downloadAnd a old speakeasy with  yarmulkes hanging on bar stools.

download

pexels-photo-157060

 

 

Now please take my details with a grain of salt (ALWAYS take my details with a grain of salt.  It’s not for lack of truth telling but for lack of memory).  If you want facts go to https://unearthdetroit.wordpress.com/.

Take your time talking to people you’ve never met before. YOU may benefit from all THEIR years of learning and college tuition!!  How’s that for a deal 🙂

 

Remember,

Itlbok, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.

Everybody Poops, part 2

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OK, don’t go there…yes I could have said Everybody poops, #2, but we’re all too mature, adult, ladylike and/or gentlemanly to go there, correct?  

As promised, this is a continuation from last weeks blog.  People seemed to have enjoyed my ramblings, and/or they just can’t believe some of the things that come out of my mouth.  I always assume everybody just thinks the same way I do, they just don’t have the nerve to say it aloud.  Is that true?  

OK, Let’s return to the boudoir.  As my daughter kindly put it in one of the comments, she compared my “bladder to the size of a lentil”.  Of course that’s coming from a woman with a beautiful shiny practically still-has-the-new-car-smell- 21 year old bladder.  My bladder may be petite but still functions well!  I consider going tinkle often just helps me with adding steps to my Fitbit!  Hey-I try to drink 8 glasses of water (2 cups of coffee and 2 glasses of wine count for 4 right?). 

Of course, sometimes I just don’t feel like going to the bathroom.  It’s just so BORING!  I mean, how many times in our lifetime have we gone to the bathroom!!  If you just go 4/day (HA!) that’s 1,460/year.  If you’re 50 years old, that’s 73,000!!!!  Are you kidding me!!!! ?????  And that’s being conservative.  You know how they say sitting is the new smoking?  Maybe going to the bathroom is part of this!  Hey-they started using stability balls images top-rated-toilets-1and treadmills at desks.  Maybe we need something like this for toilets now.  Stability/toilets, (Balancing is good for the core)

Toiletcycles (really good for getting the bowels moving)!c9add354-0e21-4be2-aa26-ab3818e98121_1.07705eb579ef8ddbb936573a631989a8 top-rated-toilets-1

 Who’s with me?  It will be great for the core and the quads.  I can see the ad–Never waste time on the toilet again!!

Now here’s a warning for anyone that has kitties in their home. I was sitting down in the bathroom one morning when my kitty walked in.  Have you ever noticed the animals always want to come and visit when you’re in the bathroom?  And even if the animals may only be four inches wide, they open the door about 12 inches?  And as you know from last week’s blog, I like my privacy, so opening the door all the way doesn’t thrill me.  Anyway, the cat jumps up onto the counter-naturally, I know that’s what cats do.  But what she did next—I never realized.  I’m sitting on the toilet (I so wish there was another word, I really don’t want you picturing me on the toilet, but you need to know why I can’t respond to what’s coming next).  My cat goes over to my toothbrush and starts sucking on the bristles!  I’m sitting there aghast.  And what could I do?  I could yell, but if you have cats you know that doesn’t do much.  Plus, how many times has she done that before?  I’m just sitting there, speechless and helpless.  Guess what I did that afternoon?  Shopping for a covered toothbrush holderdownload!!

I actually do have more to say on the subject but I think you’ve heard enough.  Next week I promise to blog about the different and interesting people that I’ve met.  But I’ll always try and make you smile and laugh along the way.

Remember,

Itlbok, Really

If you like my blogs, please Follow Me.  This means you will get sent my new blogs straight to your email instead of having to remember my site address or going onto Facebook.  Just click the floating “follow” button on the lower right side of the page.

Everybody Poops, I don’t THINK so!

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Ok, so in this blog, you’re not going to learn about relationships, or about meeting new people, or anything too inspirational.

 What you will learn is way more than than you need to learn about me!  But I bet you will laugh.

First thing that you should know, that most of my friends already know, I do not poop.  Not now nor have I ever pooped.  I barely admit to ever going to the bathroom.  If I do, it’s only to fix my make-up, adjust my panties (:-)) or fluff my hair.  On the rarest of occasions do I even tinkle. You see, I am a lady and a lady is above these things .7281909-Beautiful-lady-taking-a-bath-with-rose-petals-Stock-Photo-bath-woman  Yes that’s me in the boudoir with rose petals.  And yes, I admit I am a miracle of science.  Of course, some of my friends (husband included) would like to say that it must mean if I don’t poop, I must be full of sh*#.

So now that you know where I’m coming from, these two stories are even more humorous.

I was pregnant with my first child.  My husband and I went to the birthing classes.  I remember raising my hand asking the question, “is it true that some women actually go to the bathroom while giving birth?”  I must have read this in my “What to Expect when you’re Expecting” book.  And I was totally astonished.  Please oh please tell me this can’t be true.

Now you have to understand, my husband and I do not go to the bathroom in front of each other.  To this day, after 25 years of marriage, we do not go to the bathroom in front of each other!  I mean WHY!?!  I once saw myself sitting on the toilet–a very  ill placed mirror  opposite me. images I jumped!  I mean I jumped!!! Why on earth would anyone want to see that!!

OK, back to the birthing lesson.  Yes, it’s true.  It’s very natural, while you’re pushing the baby out, blah blah blah.  I’m like, not me, THAT’s for sure!! Well,  you know where this story is heading.  Of course, the ONE time in my life that I pooped (yes, only once) and it’s probably documented in the doctors report somewhere!  Obviously I didn’t care.  I didn’t care if the whole world saw.  My legs were spread for whomever wanted to help take this baby out of me. But, another story, another day.

Years later, at my gastroenterologist, I had a very young handsome doctor asking me questions.  About my poop of all things.  I mean, what did I expect, I’m at the gastroenterologist.  BUT, Really?  I can’t have an old man for this?  Nope.  Young and cute.  Showing me photos of different shapes etc.  Oh for goodness sakes.  Are you feeling my pain?

Now this has nothing to do with my lack of pooping but I think it’s funny.  He looks at my hands and gets concerned.  He says, “have you been eating lots of carrots?”  I shake my head no.  He says, “your hands are very orange.”spraying+too+close+to+the+hands+can+cause+them+to+be+orange[1]  And now I have to admit to my young cute doctor that I used a self tanner on my body that morning and didn’t wash my hands well enough. So now this cute intern or whatever he’s called-knows the shape of my non existent poop and that I use self-tanner. ( I might as well talk to him about my period and sexual positions, and by the way, what’s your name again? I’m thinking can I please just leave the office now? ) He grabs a pile of purple latex gloves, walks over and drops them into my lap.  “Here use these next time so your hands won’t get orange”.  Every time I see those purple latex gloves in my medicine cabinet I think about that appointment.  

Would you believe I have a few more stories like these?  Continued next week….

Remember,

Itlbok, Really!

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